11.30.20
On November 30, 2020, I underwent fibroid removal surgery. It was the catalyst to starting this blog, and for many reasons, it is a significant marker of time in my life; a BC/AC if you will, where BC was chronic life-ruining pain, and AC is recovery and trying to learn a new way of existing. The past year has been a great many things indeed. Most importantly, I am learning how to put myself first more than I did before surgery. I also acknowledge that like many, the pandemic pulled back the curtain on a lot of things that were festering under the surface for me. Things that never received the attention they deserved because I made myself too busy with work, social obligations, and a carousel of less than ideal suitors.
The pandemic also had some silver linings as well.
It made me stop and focus on my health
I had been struggling with fibroids for so long I had begun to resign my life to one in chronic pain. I don’t know if they are connected but once I recovered from my bout with COVID-19, the pain I had learned to live with suddenly became way too much to bear. The weeks of sleep interrupted by fibroid pains had me crying, praying, and ready to have a hysterectomy. Deciding to have surgery was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. What I didn’t prepare for though was the recovery over the holidays and the isolation that seemed to be louder once my visits from friends ended and I was better able to take care of myself. I’ve begun therapy because I don’t want the darkness that loomed over me last Christmas to revisit any time soon.
It made me feel more confident as a leader in my career
My entire career has been building up to the moments I’ve experienced this past year. Speaking on panels, being sought out for my expertise and experience, and being accepted into a competitive professional development program have really helped me envision a future for myself that seemed like a dream a few years ago. Now it feels attainable and within reach. The most rewarding part though has been my role as a manager of my team. I see so much potential in the three women on my team, and I feel an immense responsibility to them both to encourage, support, and share whatever I’ve learned along the way so that their journeys are made a little easier. I never had a manager of color be there for me in that way, something that still hurts today because I have had Black managers in the past. I want to make sure that they have a manager who cares about them, encourages their growth, and can be an example for what a good leader can look like.
It took me on a roller coaster of love
I mean if you’re not reading about my dating life, where the fuck you aaaaattttt?!? Lol
As has been my past 4 years of being single, I’ve continued to seek out the silver linings of my less than ideal dating experiences. I try to keep thinking that every misstep is a step closer to “my person”, so even when I’ve felt blindsided as I did after my birthday, I am reminded that past the initial hurt and disappointment is a clearer path towards whomever and whatever is meant to be in my life. That mindset is hard to hold on to at times, but it’s that same relentless optimism that has kept me encouraged and doing what I can to bring my best self to any new dating situation.
It is with that mindset that I recently approached meeting someone new and as of this past Thanksgiving weekend, your girl is no longer single. I know therapy will help me fully embrace this new journey with less anxiety, so I’m looking forward to being the best partner I can be for him as well as for myself. The amazing part of all of this is how aligned he and I are about our futures, our passion for helping children who look like us, and our love for sports. I didn’t think I would find another friend in a boyfriend again, but just as I was beginning to consider taking a dating break, he popped up as a potential match on Facebook (yes Facebook has a dating section, read my article). When I say friend in a boyfriend, I mean someone who I’d want to be friends with even if we weren’t attracted to each other; someone whose energy is just great to be around. He’s that. And alongside his authentic and genuine interest in me, I feel pretty lucky to have him in my life. My usual refrain after such a declaration usually includes a worst-case scenario plan b, aka “if it doesn’t work out, at least I xxxxx”. This time around I’m not adding that to this experience. I want to let things flow as they may, apply effort, compassion, and grace to our growth as a couple, and let something beautiful develop.
I know, I know…I buried the lead here.
I have a whole ass boyfriend and I didn’t start this article with that lol. The stuff at the top was important to lay out first lol and I wanted to end on a high note. My hope is that as things move forward I can share more about what I’m learning in therapy as well as how my relationship is progressing.
Fingers crossed!
-m
P.S. As of this post, I’ve had my first therapy session and it was pretty amazing. If you are looking for a therapist, use my link for a free week with Better Help!
